Beyond the Edges
by redquasar
Summary: Michiru and her husband Riku have returned to Japan from America, newly married and expecting a child. Haruka is one of Riku's best friends, lives with his family and considers him a brother. Their meeting leads to conflict and confusion. A story about love, loyalty, morality and religion.
1. Chapter 1

A/N :

Hi readers!

I fully intend finish Unresolved but I have been thinking about this story for a while now so I'm going to go ahead with it as well.

It is not a fast paced story and I also expect it will be somewhat lengthy. I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to review with feedback :)

Disclaimer: Clearly I do not own the Sailor Moon characters.

**Title: Beyond the Edges **

**Chapter 1**

_Dear Mother,_

_I know this is unexpected but we are married. I thought about calling you to let you know but it just did not seem right. Somehow I thought you should receive the news in print. I think maybe that is better than the fight we would no doubt have if I called you about it._

_Mother, I know this is not how you wanted my marriage to take place. I know you wanted to be there with me, and I am so sorry to disappoint you. I know you wanted a traditional wedding with all our relatives in attendance. Again, I am sorry. We got married in the registry but we did have a blessing from the priest later on that day. In that way, it was a Christian wedding. _

_Mother, you will be angry with me for not telling you sooner but there are reasons for this. I will explain when I return. _

_We have shortened our stay here. We will be returning to Japan in one month. I hope you will treat my husband well. _

_Please just be happy this marriage took place at all. _

_Love Michiru_

He notices the letter in my hands and frowns. "Still not speaking to her?"

I shake my head. "Nothing I do ever seems to make her happy. I wonder why I try."

Riku moves over and wraps his arms around my waist. He doesn't say anything. He is good like that.

I met him almost exactly six months ago. It was the first time I attended a Church service in Boston. I had only arrived two weeks earlier and my mother had recommended this Church to me as some friend of a friend of a friend went there. I had tried to be as quiet and unobtrusive as possible, sneaking into the back just before it started. I wasn't quite sure if I was in the frame of mind for conversation. It was a fairly small church, and there were only about thirty people in attendance. Riku cornered me on the way out, saying he couldn't let the only other person there under fifty get away without at least an introduction. We ended up going for coffee. Unlike me, he's been in America for a few years. He works for a large international charity organisation, and is in charge of their marketing and fundraising division for America's East Coast. He is sweet, kind and generous. He is also handsome. He has messy black hair, deep brown eyes and a casual yet stylish taste in clothes. Importantly, he is also religious and is active in the Church. Importantly for my mother that is. Though, I suppose, these days, for me as well.

I think we liked each other immediately. I certainly liked him immediately. He was the first Japanese person I'd met in Boston. The first person I could talk to about home. He was my first friend in Boston. He took me to movies, to museums and to my favourite, art galleries. One day, after we had visited the Institute of Contemporary Art, we went for a walk in park nearby and he kissed me. He became my first boyfriend in Boston.

The marriage was unexpected.

Just like the pregnancy.

Stupid, I know. I come to America to find my faith, date a man from Church and accidently get pregnant. I can't give any good reasons for it, except that maybe that first time, we weren't expecting to, and so neither of us thought of having any protection on us. I thought he would want to wait until marriage. He thought I did.

It took me almost two months to actually realise I was pregnant, then another few weeks for us to put the wedding together.

There was no question of us not getting married. My mother would be mortified if I had a child out of wedlock. I have never met Riku's parents but he has told me that his family is very religious as well, and would expect the same. This was not what I thought my marriage would be like. But it is not a bad substitute. Riku is a good man.

I am temping, doing admin jobs with an agency. It was easy enough for me to make the decision to go. Riku has a permanent position here and he loves his job. But for both of us, the thought of raising this child away from our families, and our homes, was not appealing. So he found a position in Japan through his contacts, gave his four weeks' notice and, in exactly one month's time we will be flying home.

Home to the smells, comfort and familiarity of Tokyo. Home to a new future with a new family.

Home to my mother.

Home to my past.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Beyond the Edges**

**Chapter 2**

I see him walking out of Arrivals, dragging along two large suitcases. He looks tired, his clothes are crumpled and his hair sticks up at odd ends. I can't help the broad smile that appears on my face, but I quickly blink back the tears that threaten to fall. Can't have him teasing me about that.

Walking just before him is an aqua haired woman. A beautiful aqua haired woman. She is wearing a yellow cotton dress and despite the long flight, she doesn't appear at all frazzled. The wife, I think, stunned. Riku has done well for himself. I am delighted for him.

I watch as Riku stops and looks for me in the crowd. I run around behind him and jump on him. He gives a little yell and then starts laughing as he realises it is me. "Idiot!" He says, grabbing me for a brief hug. I grin at him. Two damn years. I haven't seen this idiot for two long years.

Riku's wife is looking over at me. He grabs her hand and pulls her slightly closer. "Michi, this is Haruka. My best friend and kind of…brother. Haruka, my wife, Michiru."

"Brother?" She repeats, frowning. She looks me up and down and her lips curl in slight distaste. I am used to this look. People see my short hair and masculine clothes and they think one of two things. That I am a handsome man. Or that I am a _dyke_. I have been dealing with it since I was sixteen and I decided to come out and be myself. Most of the time I shrug it off, put it down to people's stupidity. Remind myself that there are women out there who love me just the way I am. But sometimes, like now, it hurts. It hurts in a slash to the chest kind of way, and makes me want to drop my mask and crawl under my bed. It brings out a side in me I never let others see.

So I just give a half smile and nod. "Nice to meet you Michiru. We've all been waiting for Riku to settle down…though we never expected a shotgun wedding!"

I say this as a joke, but both of their faces go pale and they exchange a look. It is tense for a moment so I grab the extra suitcases and start walking down to my car. I can't believe this. Yet at the same time it makes sense. When Riku called home a month ago and told us he had just gotten married, we were shocked. Riku has always been close to his family and the idea that he could do this without telling us, without introducing her to us, without inviting us to the wedding, was unthinkable. His mother cried and his father yelled at him. He apologised for disappointing them, but said that he was in love with Michiru and that they couldn't wait to make their vows. The idea that she might've been pregnant crossed my mind, but only for a moment. I couldn't imagine Riku ever being that irresponsible. He wasn't the type of person to make mistakes.

I met Riku when I was twelve years old and we started going to the same Bible study class on Saturday mornings. We liked to sit at the back and make stupid jokes to each other. Soon, he started inviting me over to his house after class and I would pretty much spend my whole Saturday there. I loved his family. His parents weren't as rich as mine, but they always had time for him and his little sister, Yasu. They were a very close family, the opposite of mine. I was an only child, and my parents were heavily involved in their business. They had little time for me. I could forgive that because I still loved them. But, when I was sixteen, I cut my hair, refused to wear skirts and told them I liked girls. They kicked me out.

I spent almost a year at shelter for young GLBTQ kids. It wasn't the most pleasant experience of my life. The social workers were nice but they didn't have enough time or resources to look after the confused and frightened kids that ended up there. Myself included. The only good thing that came out of my time there is that I met Nao. The first time I met Nao I have to admit that I was both intimidated and delighted. Intimidated because she was loud, blunt and seemed tough with her shaved head and leather boots. Delighted because I'd never met another butch. Nao had been kicked out of home when she was fourteen, and was a long-time resident at the shelter. We became friends when she realised that I had an interest in motor sports and she started taking me down to the race track with her on weekends. She worked there on the weekends, helping out the mechanics. I was around so often that they gave me a job too. I loved it. But what I loved more was actually racing. I don't know how we got away with it, but the guys down there taught us to drive and I became obsessed with it. I knew I wanted to go pro. Nao loved it too, but never really wanted to go any further with it.

After I'd been there almost a year, I bumped into Riku at the park. As soon as he found out what happened, he took me to his home. They welcomed me without reservation. I lived with his family until I turned twenty.

At the age of eighteen I became a professional formula one driver. At the age of nineteen I was number one in Japan. By then, I was spending half my time overseas. I did well internationally until I had a severe crash two years ago, and had to spend more than one year in recovery. Recovery was tough, and I lost my drive. I was spending more than half my time away from Japan. Whilst I didn't have a family of my own, Nao had married my friend Setsuna and had a young child, Hotaru. I barely spent any time with them. I barely spent any time with Riku and his family. I had no problem finding women to sleep with, but I never had a serious relationship. I was just too busy. I was also achingly lonely.

So at the age of thirty three, Tenoh Haruka, Japan's number one Formula one driver, quit. Since then, I'd spent the last year babysitting Hotaru, and spending time with Riku's family. I did some occasional work, consulting for formula one team, but the truth was, I had enough money from racing to cover me for the rest of my life. I sometimes missed the feel of the wind against me, but mostly, I was happy to have quiet days with the people I cared about.

Whilst I had been a bit surprised that Riku got married without us, I was more than delighted that he was coming home to stay. Now I was wondering if it was such a good thing. Clearly his wife had some issues with me already. I sigh as I start pulling the suitcases into my car. Maybe she was just surprised, maybe I've made too much of it.

"What do you mean, brother?" Her voice is low and hushed. They are standing near the car park pay station and she clearly doesn't realise I can hear her. I keep myself busy with the suitcases.

"Haruka lives with us, sometimes. She's like a brother to me."

"She's a –a –"

"Yes, she's gay." Even in his low voice, I can hear the exasperation in Riku's voice.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I told you I had a close friend who lives with us sometimes."

"You didn't tell me she –she was like _that_!"

"Well, it doesn't matter. Can we talk about this after?"

"Yes it does. Riku I can't." There is panic in her voice, and it has risen higher. "I can't live there with her. It's –it's against my morals. You said... you said your family was Christian, how can they allow her to live with you? How –how can you allow a –a homosexual- to live with you?"

"Michiru. We are going to have this conversation later. Please don't be rude to Haruka."

They walk back, and I pretend that I haven't heard them. Michiru sits silently in the car, not looking at me. Riku makes up for it, putting on a fake smile and trying to lighten the mood with funny stories about Boston. I try to smile at his stories, and focus on my driving.

It is a long drive home.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi! I hope you are enjoying this story, I am enjoying writing it.

As always, I don't own any of Sailor Moon.

**Chapter 3**

When we get back to the house, Riku and Michiru are mobbed by the family. I slip off to my room. Even though I don't officially live here anymore, I still have a room and I spend about half the week here. I know exactly who to call.

"Hello Haruka."

"Setsuna! You don't know how glad I am to hear to your lesbian voice."

"_My lesbian voice?_" She sounds amused. "What's going on?"

"Super _sultry_ lesbian voice. Did I forget to mention that part?"

"Haruka!"

"Well, Riku came home today…"

"That's good…"

"Remember how I said he got married over there? Really suddenly?"

"Yes."

"He's new wife is a total homophobe who doesn't want to be anywhere near me."

There is a small silence. "I can't imagine…I'm surprised, considering how Riku feels about it. What happened?

"Well she took one look at me and I could just tell, in that look. I thought, no I should give her a chance, but then I overhear her talking to Riku, talking about how she doesn't want to be near me, and how she thought he had better morals on so on. Turns out she's a Christian fundamentalist or something." I sigh.

"That is terrible, Haruka. I still can't imagine why Riku would marry her."

I grunt.

"What?"

"I think she's pregnant."

"WHAT?"

"I know."

"No, I mean, talk about hypocrisy. She's pregnant, they suddenly get married, and now she wants to preach to you about morality. She sounds awful."

"I know, the worst thing is, now I'm going to have to see her all-"

There's a knock on the door.

"Coming!" I yell. "Setsuna, I have to go. I'll see you soon?"

"Of course. If you're free remember to come down to Crystal's Cafe tomorrow morning at 11am. We're all going to have breakfast."

"Sounds great, I'll see you then."

I open the door, expecting Yasu, but I am surprised to find it is Riku. He smiles and gestures to the phone. "Setsuna? How is she?"

"Good, still calmly keeping everyone sane. You should visit Hotaru; she's grown so much in the last two years."

He sits on my bed, and I sit next to him. "I will. I can't wait."

"Haruka…I wanted to talk to you, about earlier."

"What about earlier?" I say, playing dumb.

He frowns and looks at me closely. "I think you overheard…"

I sigh. "Yes I did."

"Michiru is…I didn't expect her to react that way. I thought she would be more..humane... I'm sorry about that, it was really rude of us-"

"It wasn't you."

"Still. I feel bad. I didn't think she would react that way."

I raise my eyebrows. "Riku. How can you not know her views on this?"

He gives a long sigh and puts his head in his hands. "Come on, Haruka. You must've guessed. She's pregnant. That's why we got married over there so soon. It's not to say I wouldn't have married her anyway. I love her. But I would've had a proper traditional wedding here. And I would've waited, at least for one year. Give her a chance to get to know my family, including you."

"A little Riku." I say in wonder. I had suspected, but to have it confirmed was amazing.

"Or a little Michi." He looks up and smiles brightly. "Haruka, I know it wasn't planned, and I have no idea how my parents are going to react but I am so…I am so excited about this child. I can't wait. I know you saw one side of Michi today…but aside from that, she is an amazing person. She's so sweet, and kind, and she'll be a wonderful mother."

"I'm sure she will be." I say, but there is a hint of bitterness in my voice.

"Haruka, there is no way that you wouldn't have a place in my child's life. A big place. Just as important a place as Yasu. Look, I have to ask a favour of you."

I am suspicious. "What?"

"I think...I don't think Michi has really met any gay people before. I think she's kind of sheltered, she grew up just with her mum, and her mum is very religious. From what I know, she didn't have a lot of friends in childhood and spent most of her time studying and pursuing her own interests. I don't think she's even had a serious boyfriend before. I just feel that her dislike of you comes from ignorance, and from growing up sheltered, and I think if she got to know you…"

"She hates me already!"

"Yes. Look, I was just hoping –and I know it's unfair, but you're family to me, and she's my wife. I was hoping you could make an effort with her, so that she could see that you aren't any different to us."

"But I _am_ different. I like to fuck women."

He gives me a wan smile. "Yeah, I think she's figured that one out. Seriously though Haruka, do you think you could do it? I'm sure she'll come around. I _need_ her to come around."

It's unfair, no doubt about it. She's the one with the screwed up, ignorant, hurtful views but I'm the one who has to be nice?

"I need to know, if she doesn't come around? Will I-"

"Don't even ask. Please. Of course you'll be in my child's life. Of course."

"I'll try then. I'll make an effort." I say, rubbing my head.

I hate homophobia.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I am tired. Riku's family seems nice but I can see that they are not entirely happy with the situation. His father is friendly but reserved. His mother is warm towards me but seems unimpressed with Riku. She dismisses all of his alleged reasons for marrying me so quickly. I wonder why we keep up this charade. I am more than four months pregnant. I am just lucky I haven't started to show yet, but it is only a matter of time before I do. Riku, for some reason, doesn't want his family to know yet that I am pregnant. He wants them to adjust to the marriage before he tells them I am pregnant. His friend –Haruka- was right though and there is no hiding that we had a shotgun wedding.

The dinner is long and painful. I am jet-lagged, and my legs ache. His family doesn't seem to be tiring at all. They want to hear all about Riku and everything he has done for the last two years, since the last time he came to visit. It is clear to me, if it wasn't before, that they all adore Riku.

By midnight, I can barely keep my eyes open. I think for a moment about the tiny little life in my belly and I rub it, absentmindedly. Suddenly realising that I might make it obvious I look up to ensure that no one has seen, but my eyes meet piercing green ones, and I know that I have been noticed. Haruka, who had been lying on the couch, gets up and stretches. She is undoubtedly handsome. She is tall, has sandy blonde hair that flops over her forehead to the right, and a well-structured face. If it wasn't for the slight rise at her chest, and I'm sure, even with that, many people would mistake her for male. She is still wearing the clothes that she picked us up in –tan slacks, and a navy shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

I draw my eyes away from her but then she is leaning down next to me, her eyes meaningfully dropping to my stomach. She must have guessed, I think.

"You're tired. I'll show you to Riku's room."

I wanted to avoid her as much as possible, but I know I have to be polite. "Thank you."

We say quick good byes and then she leads me upstairs, carrying my suitcase for me. The room she leads me to is large, with an ensuite, and there is a queen size bed on it. I am glad. I had been worried that Riku's room would contain only a single bed. We would be here for a next few months, and I wanted it to be comfortable. I sit down tiredly on the bed, and wait for her to leave. Instead, she stays, leaning against the wall.

"How far along are you?" She asks suddenly.

I hesitate, not sure if she is even meant to know.

"Riku told me you're pregnant."

I am surprised, they are so close. How did I marry a man who has a lesbian best friend? I wish she would leave. I am so tired and I don't want to speak to her. But I remind myself again that I am staying in his family house, and that she appears to be part of his family, somehow. I need to be polite. "I'm about four months now."

She smiles, more to herself than anything. "Riku having a kid...it's unbelievable really."

I say nothing in response to that. "I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Right. Oh ok. I'll leave then."

"Goodnight."

We have the expected argument in the morning. I am not really in the mood for it. It is nice, sleeping in, and it is nice to be back in Japan. I can't feel the child, not yet, but I can feel its presence within me. I am no longer one person but two, and this small being needs me. I just want to lie in bed with my husband's arms around me and pretend to be normal.

"Michiru," he murmurs in my ear. "I think we need to talk about Haruka."

Haruka is the _last_ thing we need to talk about. I decide to distract him, pressing my body close to his, and turning around to kiss him hard on the lips. He responds for a moment and then gently pushes me away.

"As much as I would love to, I really think we need to talk about this."

I sigh and look at him. "Ok talk."

"So Haruka has been part of my family since….since we were about seventeen or so. I was friends with her since we were much younger. We went to Bible study together. Then, when her parents kicked her out….for being gay…she moved in with us. It hasn't been easy on her. Her parents don't speak to her anymore. Not even when she did well in racing…they haven't spoken to her for years. So my family is really her family."

I look at him, my face neutral. She may have gone through many things, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want her here.

He goes on. "My parents adore her. She stays here a lot and has her own room. My sister adores her and they're really close."

I say nothing.

"Michiru, she's part of my family." He reaches over and pulls me closer. "Why do you have such a thing against gay people?"

I turn away from him. "Riku, have you read the Bible? It's clear on this issue!"

"Michiru, that can't be it. Arguably, the Bible is also clear on pre-marital sex, but that didn't seem to bother you."

"Well. That was a mistake."

He nuzzles against me and his hand grazes my hip. "Please. It's not like it only happened once."

I sigh and I try to put my thoughts in order. What could I possibly say to convince him? I try to think back to conversations with my mother. "It's just not normal. They aren't capable of having loving relationships like we are. They can only have relationships based on sex and lust, not love and commitment. And I'm worried, what if she influences our child? I don't want a gay child. I don't want a child who is going to hell."

His hands envelope me. "I don't agree with you Michiru, but I can understand why you'd come to think like that –if you haven't met any gay people-"

"I have met gay people!" I snap.

"Like who?"

I say nothing again.

"Ok, well. I love you Michi, and I want the best for our child too. But Haruka is part of my family, so I'm just asking you to give her chance."

I don't respond. I shake his arms off me and I go to the ensuite bathroom. Pulling the toilet lid up, I vomit.

I know Riku will think it is the morning sickness. I know just as well that it's something else.

**A/N: Review if you want more! Go on... :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ok I know Chibi Chibi isn't Usagi's daughter but I love her and I wanted to include her albeit in a very minor role. **

**I don't own Sailor Moon & I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 5**

"Haaaruka!"

Hotaru jumps up from the crowded table and runs into my arms. She is an adorable five year old with a Goth aesthetic and a sweet personality. I love her to death. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight. "How's my favourite girl?"

"Good! Mama and Mummy took me to the park yesterday and we played all day long and we had a picnic and Aunty Usagi ate too much and got sick-"

"Hey there, I did not get sick from eating too much! It was some kind of bug!"

"Mummy! You did too!" Chibiusa pipes up, and then jumps off her seat for a hug as well. I give her a cuddle and then take a seat at next to Hotaru. Chibiusa leans towards me over Hotaru and whispers loudly. "Mummy ate the pudding and the cake and the ice cream and then she wanted to eat more but daddy-"

"Shhh!" Usagi hisses while at the same time Chibi Chibi starts repeating her name over and over again.

"Daddy said mummy shouldn't eat so much in one go. And.."

It is chaotic as it is every time we get together with the children. I look over at Setsuna and Nao, who after seven years together, are still hopelessly in love. Setsuna is ten years older than us, and more reserved, but having been friends with her for such a long time, I can see the happiness in her eyes. Nao, on the other hand, is more demonstrative. There is hardly a moment when her arm isn't around Setsuna's. I am so glad I introduced them all those years ago. Setsuna had Hotaru via a sperm donor, and they are both so devoted to her. I think Nao is trying –no, not trying- she is _giving_ her daughter the family she never had when she was young.

Usagi, younger than us by a few years, is clumsy, naïve and has an enormous appetite. She is undoubtedly the heart of our group. She is cute, too. When I first met her, I admit I had a bit of a crush on her and flirted shamelessly with her, trying to get her to swap teams, at least for one night. I was unsuccessful as it turned out that she already had a thing for Mamoru, who she ended up marrying five years ago. They have two children, Chibiusa, who is four, and Chibi Chibi, who is almost two. Mamoru often has to miss our gatherings as he works long hours at the hospital.

The others arrive soon. Ami comes in looking exhausted from a late night shift at the hospital but is as sweet and kind as usual. Rei comes in looking exhausted from a late night partying and is grumpy and snappy as usual. Makoto, Ami's girlfriend, texts to say she's had to babysit her nephew and can't make it. Zoisite and Kunzite come in, looking exceptionally well dressed as usual. I blame Zoisite. Minako, Usagi's twin sister, comes in half an hour late, gushing about some hot guy she has a crush on. Usagi, Rei and Minako immediately get into a bizarre argument about just how hot this guy actually is.

I'm relieved that I'm sitting closer to Setsuna and Nao and can actually engage in some adult conversation with them. Admittedly all I do is have a whinge about Michiru and the fact that Riku has asked me to make an effort with her. Setsuna and Nao update me about their lives. The brunch takes hours. We finish up at around 3pm, when Usagi decides it's time for the girls, her and Aunt Minako to have a group nap. I drive Rei home and Ami to Makoto's before heading back to the Tanaka house.

lllll

"Riku. You have to understand, my mother...she's…." My words trail off. I am not quite sure what to say. Manipulative, cold and judgemental? Loves me fiercely and would give her life for me? Caring, warm and kind-hearted? There are so many ways to describe her. I have a difficult relationship with my mother. My father left us when I was only one, and I have no recollection of him. My mother had to raise me on her own, and it was hard. She worked as a nurse, and often took on extra shifts so she could afford a good standard of living for me. The only family she has is an older sister, and the two of them are devoted Christians. I suppose she was a bit strict, but it didn't really bother me when I was younger as I was a model daughter. It was only when I turned eighteen that I started asserting myself that it became a problem, and it's been very complicated ever since then. I wasn't even sure if she would like Riku.

He takes my hand after parking the car. "It's ok, I'm sure it'll be ok. I'll charm her."

I smile. "I hope you do."

My mother answers the door straight away. She has her long aqua hair tied back in a knot, and is wearing long pale green dress. Despite our fights, despite my trepidation at how she will take my news, I realise that I have missed her and I step into her warm embrace. "Michiru." She says into my ear, while she hugs me back.

"Mother, this is Riku."

Riku smiles and bows. Today his messy black hair is combed neatly, and he is dressed in a white shirt and grey suit. He looks handsome but tidy. My mother looks at him sternly for a moment but then smiles. "Welcome, Tanaka Riku."

We sit in the living room and Riku engages my mother in small talk. He _is_ charming and I am relieved to see that my mother appears to like him. After we have some tea and snacks, I get ready to tell her the big news. She notices the change in my expression and looks carefully at me.

"Mother, we….we have something to tell you."

She raises an eyebrow. "Aside from the fact that you got married?"

"Yes Mother…I…I'm pregnant."

"How far along?"

"4 months now."

Her face is frozen and I am terrified for a moment. She has always wanted me to have children but what if this isn't good enough? I can imagine her worrying about what her friends and Church community would think. We only got married a month ago and any idiot would be able to tell. She stares at me for a long moment, and then she looks at Riku, her eyes appraising.

Then she breaks out into a big smile, gets up and wraps me in a hug. She whispers in my ear. "Michi I thought this day would never come. Your marriage. My grandchild. I am so happy."

Her eyes are teary as she goes to embrace Riku. He smiles at me over her shoulder. _All good_, his smile seems to say. I smile back, tears forming in my own eyes.

My mother calls me almost straight after we have left to tell me how much she adores Riku. I let her gush. _He is such a good man. He seems so respectable, he has a good job, that's the kind of man you meet at Church, see I told you this was better. You just had to wait; you were too impatient when you were younger. Yes I was angry when you suddenly got married, I thought you were hiding something from me, who knows what sort of things they allow in America these days. But he is perfect for you, Michiru, I am the happiest mother in the world. I knew going to America was a good idea, though I did fear….but you met a Japanese man after all. Oh, Michiru, I can't wait to be a grandmother. _

I let her go on, happy that she seems so happy.

After the call, and after we have got to Riku's house, I ask him if it is not time that we told his parents too. I can see the rise of my belly. I know his parents probably wouldn't notice, as they have never met me before, but it won't be too long before even they notice. He sits on the bed with his head in his hands, his suit jacket thrown off and his shirt half buttoned. "I suppose you're right." He says finally.

That night, the whole family is heading to a small restaurant nearby for dinner. One of Riku's favourites, apparently. He has decided that he will finally tell them then. Shin and Umeko, Riku's parents are in a good mood. Their delight that their son is back home is apparent. Yasu, his sister, makes conversation with me, trying to get to know me. She is sweet and I warm to her quickly. Haruka comes behind us, silently.

After dinner, Riku gets the attention of everyone. Under the table, he reaches out to hold my hand. "Everyone. I'd like to say that…Michiru is pregnant."

"Aaah!" Yasu jumps up, screaming and comes to hug us. Shin and Umeko look at each other for a moment, understanding dawning in their eyes. But just as quickly, they get up to congratulate us their smiles warm and genuine.

Haruka stares from the other end of the table. She smiles, but it's bittersweet.

llllllll

After a week, Riku starts working. He is working in Marketing for large non- profit again and his hours are long. It doesn't quite make sense for me to look for a new job now so I stay at home. Yasu works long hours as a financial consultant, Shin works as a teacher and Umeko is an accountant so the house is almost empty during the day. Almost empty, aside from the annoying presence of Haruka. Despite Riku telling me that she is a consultant of some sort, she never seems to actually work. She seems to wake up in the mid-morning, play some childish racing games and then disappears out for a few hours. She normally returns in the early evening after Shin and Umeko are home. She occasionally attempts to engage me in conversation but I manage to shut her off. I can be cold when I want to be.

By the end of one month, I have timed and planned my movements so that I do not even bump into her once in the house when it is just the two of us. The days when she is not home at all, presumably at her other apartment –are the best. I can relax fully, and I spend these days playing my violin for hours. Otherwise, I try to show Riku and his parents that I am a good wife, by doing some cooking and cleaning during the day. Admittedly neither has ever been my strength, but I remind myself that it is part of my new life, and put effort into it.

Shin and Umeko quickly grow fond of me, and I of them. They are kind to me and excited about their first grandchild. Yasu is easy to get along with. Most of the time she isn't even home –she works long hours and spends the rest of her time out with her friends or her boyfriend –but when she is home, she makes an effort to spend time with me, convinced that I'm lonely. I appreciate her company. To be honest, whilst I am someone who is quite comfortable with my own company, the long hours Riku is working does bother me, and I wish he were at home more to spend time with me. Since coming back to Japan, he has not been able to come with me to one appointment.

I make the mistake of raising this with him one day as we are preparing to go to bed.

"Riku, what are you doing on Wednesday afternoon?"

He kisses my cheek and snuggles me. "Working, love. Why? What is it?"

"I've got an appointment with Doctor Ito, just to check how the baby is doing. I thought we could go to that, and then we could go to the Sports centre and have a swim. I haven't been swimming since we got back and it's meant to be good for the pregnancy. It'd be nice of us to spend the day together too."

"Hmmm." He strokes some hair off my face. "I can't take the day off love. It's hard, re-establishing myself here when I've been away for so long. I want to do well….so that we have enough for our baby. I am a bit worried about you being lonely…."

"It's ok." I say softly, but I can feel tears starting to pool in my eyes.

"Oh love, I really can't make it- I've got so many meetings with clients on Wednesday. Hey, but you shouldn't have to be doing this all on your own…I'll work something out, I promise."

That night, he embraces me and I fall asleep in his arms. I assume his 'working something out' means trying to arrange flexible working hours with his boss. Stupidly, I even think maybe he is going surprise me by leaving work early on Wednesday so I dress to impress him. I know we are married, but still, I want to make an effort as I rarely have a chance to do that these days. I wear a pale pink empire line dress with a black lace band around my waist. I let my hair down, and I wear long silver earrings. I finish my outfit with a cream handbag and flats. I make sure to carefully pack everything I need for the pool. Putting pale pink lipstick on, I head downstairs, excited at the prospect of meeting Riku at the doctors.

I walk downstairs with a smile on my face.

Haruka is sitting on the couch, fidgeting. She gives a cautious smile as I go down the stairs, stands up and takes her keys out. "Ready?"

"Sorry?" My smile has already disappeared.

"Riku asked me if I could take you to your doctor's appointment and uh- the pool –today. I thought you knew?"

Now I am frowning. "No. I think you've got it wrong." Even as I say that, I know I'm wrong. "In any case, I'm fine going by myself." I head towards the door, walking determinedly past Haruka.

She reaches out and takes my arm.

I automatically flinch and she lets go.

"Michiru…I think…look, he pretty much ordered me to take you. I don't think I can really refuse."

"I'm perfectly fine going on my own."

Haruka scratches her head and looks up for a moment. "Look, I think we need to talk."

"I don't have time to talk. I'm going to be late for my appointment."

She narrows her eyes at me. "I know when your appointment is, remember?"

I silently glare at her. She takes this as an invitation to go on. "If this was any other situation….if this was any other situation I would let it go. I'd prefer just to leave it. I don't forgive easily people who judge me on my sexuality. I'd rather just give you and Riku some space, go and stay at mine or whatever. I don't particularly want to talk this out, it's not really my thing." She sits back down on the couch and sighs. "But there's the baby and whatever you think of me –or us 'gays'- I know I already adore it –and he or she is a part of Riku, and a part of my family…..on top of that all, Riku loves you…and he wants us to get along. Can you make that effort for him, regardless what you think about who I'm into?"

_They can't have relationships, not long term ones. Can't you see that? _

"Riku doesn't understand."

_It's unnatural. There should be a cure for that. _

"Understand what? You really think we are that bad? That disgusting? What is it?"

_Can you believe that they want to have families these days? Gay marriage? It's revolting. Why isn't anybody thinking of the children? _

I place my hands on my belly. "The baby-"

"I'm not going to turn your baby gay!" Now she is almost shouting. "It doesn't work like that! My parents were straight. Gay parents have straight kids. And I'd just be the kid's uncl-aunty-"

_And those masculine ones. Do they think they're men? Ha..they're missing something pretty fundamental. _

"See! It's bad enough that you're gay, you're gender confused too! I don't want my kid to grow up like that."

"Excuse me? Gender _confused_? I am not confused!"

_Gross. Why would anyone be attracted to that? The girly ones doing each other are hot. You can at least understand that. _

"Oh? Yet you dress like a man."

"And? I dress how I want to dress, Michiru. I might not fit into society's boxes but I'm sure as hell not confused about who I am. The one thing that does confuse me is why Riku married you." She makes a face, as if thinking for a moment. "Oh, that's right. He knocked you up. Little Miss Morality got a bit too excited before the wedding, it seems."

"Fuck you."

Haruka lets out a low whistle. "And she swears!"

"Seriously Haruka, fuck you. Riku is my husband. This is my child. And-"

This time she gives me a victorious little smile. "Don't even go there Michiru. I already spoke to him. I think you misunderstand how close we are. We might not be related by blood but we are _family_. He's like a brother to me, and I'm the same for him. He won't let go of me easily and I will fight to have a place in his child's life."

I'm shaking now, and I can barely stand up. I'm exhausted. Why do I feel that she is right? Why do I _know_ that she is right? Because it is true. From what I've seen over the last few weeks, they are family. And this family is close. This family cares for each other, speaks to each other, fights for each other. After all, aren't I doing the same for mine?

I sit down on the couch, shakily. I open my mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I say, surprised.

"I'm sorry." Haruka repeats, looking sincere. "You're pregnant…and I shouldn't be having these arguments with you. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

_Sometimes they get a gay man to father their children. So selfish. What if their children get AIDS? It's disgusting. _

_It's unnatural. They'll never be normal. _

_The sad thing is they don't seem to realise that they'll never be happy. _

_Don't you see how they all sleep with each other? It's all about sex, nothing more. _

_God, why can't they at least look normal? _

_Dykes! Lezzos! LESBIANS!_

I press my hand against my forehead. It aches. It hurts. I wish the world would just stop for a moment and let me breathe.

I sigh, trying to sort my thoughts out, trying to find some way of dealing with this.

"Riku is very persistent when he thinks he is right about something. I know he won't let this go."

She nods.

"I think….we can find some way of being friendly to each other. I just need some…boundaries."

She raises an eyebrow. "You want me to promise not to hit on you? Really, because you're Riku's wife and I would never –"

"No. No, that's not what I meant. I mean, I am willing to –try and find some kind of –to try and do _this_ but I can't have conversations like this all the time. I want you to agree not to talk about homosexuality, about whether it's right or wrong…or about your gay friends or gay events or girlfriends. If you agree to that, I promise I will make an effort."

"So basically you want me to pretend that I'm straight?"

"_No_. I just don't want you and me to talk about homosexuality. Or anything related to it. I know you aren't straight. But you have other people you can tell about your girlfriends, it doesn't need to be me."

She sighs and is quiet for a while. "Ok Michiru, it's a deal. For Riku."

**Reviews make me happy! Review for more x **


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the kind reviews :)**

**As usual, I don't own Sailor Moon and I hope you enjoy this story.**

**Chapter 6**

I don't know what she expected. That I would regale her with stories about my non-existent girlfriend? That I would tell her the gory details of any one night stands I might have? The thing is, I probably wouldn't have mentioned these topics to her anyway, but explicitly being asked not to talk about them hurt. Nonetheless, I agreed to it, because it was at least some sort of way for us to get along.

The rest of the day went reasonably well. I kept to my side of the agreement and she kept to hers. I drove her to the appointment, waited in reception and smiled with her when she told me her doctor had said everything was proceeding well. I drove her to the swimming pool, and waited outside, reading a racing magazine, until she had finished. I didn't want to risk waiting inside –lest I be accused of looking at her in her swimmers too long or something. Who knows what kind of accusations her homophobic mind might conjure up.

On the way home, we made some small talk about the pool, and how it compared to her previous pool. I told her that I drove to the Sports Centre at least four days a week for the gym, and that I could take her along, if she wanted. To my surprise, she smiled and agreed that would work for her.

For the next month or so we have an uneasy but cordial relationship. We make small talk to and from the Sports Centre, mostly consisting of conversation about our respective exercises. It is certainly better than being ignored or treated coldly, and I expect that this will be the extent of our relationship.

One day when I'm back at my apartment, I realise that I've left my phone back at the Tanaka home, so I head back there. I go in and immediately I hear this beautiful music….I've never heard it before, and I initially think it must be a CD but it can't be, it sounds so close, and so intense. I follow my ears and end up at Michiru's door. She's got the door ajar, and I can't help myself –I open it. She doesn't notice me at first. Her eyes are closed, and she looks so peaceful, concentrating fully on her music. She is clearly an extremely talented violinist. I just watch for a while, or rather listen to her, the music is so entrancing. Finally she turns slightly and notices me. Eyes open wider and she immediately stops playing.

"Haruka," She says, putting her violin down. "I –I didn't expect you."

"Please don't stop playing on my account. That was beautiful."

She shakes her head dismissively. "No, no…I don't really play."

"You don't really play? What was that?" I admit I don't know a lot about classical music, but that was something.

"That was just- it's just a hobby."

"Well. You should play for the all of us sometime. Shin and Umeko would love it! Hell, I didn't even know you played."

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Haruka." Then she smiles a little bitterly. "No, I'd really rather not play for everyone. I don't perform well. I only play for myself. I wasn't expecting you today."

"Expecting me? Do you have a timetable of my coming and goings so that you know when to play?" I say with a laugh. I am joking but she just looks at me, and I know it is true. "Oh. Right. You really don't play when anybody else is around?"

She shakes her head. "It's really just for me, I don't want to inconvenience others."

I frown. "Michiru, there is nothing inconveniencing about that music. It's entrancing. It made me think…it even made me think that I should start playing piano again. And that's something I never think."

She smiles at me. For the first time, it looks genuine. "Really? You played piano? Why did you give it away?"

"My mother made me learn when I was little. I had lessons every week and I played regularly until I –I left home. I can't say that it was ever a great passion, but there was a feeling of…immersion and peace when I played. I haven't played in years, but hearing you….well, it was amazing." I may not quite like her, but it's true. Not only does she have talent but there is passion in her music. "Of course, I can't play anything like you, but well –I have a piano at mine, and it's kind of just wasting space at the moment."

She sits down on her bed and I take this as an invitation to sit down too –on the chair closest to the door. "Yes, music has a way of creating…a space…away from everything else. You should take it up again. The piano is often looked down upon as a common instrument because it's the instrument many young children here learn, but it's a very versatile and so very capable of making beautiful music. I learnt it myself, as well, when I was young. I love the way it can create such distinct sounds and I love the feel of the keys. It's truly a beautiful instrument."

"Do you play piano as well as you play violin?"

"Hardly! I'm not so good on the piano."

"Ha! I don't believe you. Not from the way you are talking about it."

She smiles again. "It's true. Piano is only…I think it would be only my third best instrument."

"Are you kidding me? What else do you play?"

"The cello and I've also learnt the viola." She gives a little laugh. "Oh, and I also tried to learnt the guitar but that never got very far!"

"Shit! You must be a musical prodigy."

"Not really. I started learning piano when I was little, like you, at the insistence of my mother. My music teacher encouraged me, and I then picked up the violin. It's been my favourite ever since, but I learnt the others as well, it helps, with playing an instrument, I think, to know something of the ones closest to it. That's why my music teacher encouraged me to play the cello and the viola."

"Whoa. Did you have a life outside music? It sounds like you spent your whole time playing!"

"Pretty much, no. Music _was_ my life. It didn't leave much time for other things. I mean, of course I studied, but apart from that…." She says this with a dreamy expression on her face, and looks quite far away at the moment.

"What happened?"

"Huh? Oh." I know I've asked the wrong question because her expression changes, and she looks pale. "Oh, things changed…"

"You should play more. I'd like it- if you played when I was here."

Her expression softens, slightly. "Thank you. But it really is a –"

"It's good for the baby too."

Michiru places a hand on her belly and strokes it gently. "I don't really want…I think this child will be more like Riku than me."

"What, and be tone deaf and have a terrible voice?"

"That wouldn't be so bad!"

"I take it you haven't been to karaoke with him yet. Trust me, it _would_ be bad."

She laughs again, heartedly.

I smile back, thinking that maybe, just maybe, we might get somewhere.

llllll

Surprisingly, Haruka keeps to her side of the agreement. She doesn't talk about anything pertaining to homosexuality and neither do I. It is a relief. I can almost pretend that Haruka is straight. Well, not really, but I don't have to think about it all the time. It's 2 months since we made the agreement, and we have an odd sort of routine. It's still only the two of us home during the day. I tend to wake early and go downstairs to cook or clean after a shower. By the time she wakes up, I am upstairs. After the time she caught me playing, she has been very persistent that I shouldn't stop on account of her. I don't know if it is a good idea to share my music with her, but playing is one of the only things that gives me some relief from my mind, so I appreciate having the extra days to play. In the afternoon, she'll drive us to the Sports Centre and I'll head to the pool and she heads to the gym. We meet at the entrance after an hour and a half. Then we drive back home. I do chores or some reading, and she sometimes plays consoles or goes out.

She also drives me to my medical appointments. I am seven months pregnant now and I am happy with how things are progressing. The doctor says that the baby is doing everything it is meant to do, and that the most important thing is to look after myself and keep healthy. Riku is delighted that the baby is coming along well, and I know he loves it so much, but he has yet to make an appointment. He is so busy with his new job. I feel a little guilty for nagging him about it, because I am not working at the moment, so I try not to. When we are together, he is attentive, but truthfully, we are only together a few hours every night and on the weekends. We make the most of the weekends, spending time with his family, visiting my mother, and going on dates to art galleries. He is pleased that Haruka and I seem to be getting along, and genuinely seems to think that me getting to know a gay person is changing my opinion of the whole subject.

That was never the issue, so nothing has actually changed.

I don't tell him that though.

llllll

We have our routine down pat. So I'm surprised, one day, when we leave the Sports Centre that we head in a different direction to usual.

"Haruka?"

"Yes?"

"Where are you going?"

She turns and grins at me. "Just wait."

We enter the security car park of a rather flash modern apartment block. Once she parks, I look at her again. "Haruka? Where are we?"

She doesn't answer, and instead jumps out and opens the car door for me. She gives me a hand to get up and I accept. "I said you have to wait." She says, in a teasing voice.

I follow her to an elevator, and we head up to the sixth floor. I am starting to get an idea of where we are, and I'm not sure that I like it. On the sixth floor, she opens up one of the doors and leads me into what is presumably her apartment.

Like the exterior, the interior is modern and minimalist. There is a lot of sunlight coming in, and it is wide and spacious. There are only a few artworks up, but I'm intrigued by them. "Come on," she says, and leads me further inside to a large living room. On the way, we pass at least four bedrooms. I am shocked. Why would someone living on their own need so much space? And, someone who rarely lives here too. The living room she leads me to is somewhat warmer, filled with books, and a soft green leather couch. In one side of the room there is a grand piano. _A grand piano_.

My mouth opens wide in shock and I cannot speak.

She just takes me by the arm and places me in front of the piano.

"Play" She says quietly.

And I do.

Afterwards, I sit there, lightly fingering the keys. It has been so long since I have played. Yet it was easy. My fingers knew what to do, and my heart knew how to play. Music has always come easily to me. I felt it with this too –that feeling I get when I play my violin- the feeling of being free, of being at peace, of being away from everything that hurts. The feeling of truly being myself.

I think Haruka must sense some of this, because after I play she leaves silently.

Once I come back down to earth, I get up and look for her. Again, I pass what seems to 4 bedrooms on the way back. I wonder if I have understood wrong, and that maybe she has flatmates. When I reach the kitchen, she is sitting there with two cups of tea, sipping from one.

"You lied." She says, looking directly at me. "You play the piano like a master."

I find myself blushing at the genuine compliment. "Thank you. For bringing me here."

We stare at each other in silence for a moment then I look away. For a little while we sip the tea quietly. I break the silence. "You have a large apartment. Do other people live with you?"

"Well…I don't know if I should answer that question.."

"Oh?"

"Well, it might break our agreement."

"Really?"

"Do you still want to know?"

"Well…" I try to imagine what she could mean. She has a girlfriend, who needs three rooms to herself?

"I have a roster. A rotation of three lovers. I give them their own rooms because well, I don't feel comfortable having –" Then she bursts our laughing. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself."

I glare at her. She continues laughing.

"We have an agreement." I remind her.

She slowly comes to a stop. "Don't worry, I certainly don't have a rotation of lovers. In fact, I can't remember the last time I got laid."

"I find that hard to believe." I say before I can stop myself.

She narrows her eyes. "Why? Because we gays do nothing but fuck each other all the time?"

"No. Because you are handsome."

Her eyes widen and she looks at me like I'm doing a practical joke on her.

I shake my head slightly. "We do have an agreement." I remind her again.

She takes a deep breath and then speaks slowly. "The bedrooms. It's for the future. I want to have a big family. But I can't say anything more on that. _Because of our agreement_."

"One of the rooms, Hotaru…who's the daughter of two of my friends, she sleeps over fairly often when her parents want some time to themselves. She's a wonder." Haruka's eyes have a glow in them, and I can see she really cares for this child. "It was so dull and beige, one day we decided to paint it for her. Now…it's kinda creepy to be honest."

"May I see it? If you don't mind, that is."

Haruka looks at me for a long moment and nods. We put our tea down and she leads me to the first bedroom on the right. She is right. It is a little bit different to usual. The walls are painted a dark purple, and there are lamps all over the room. To be fair, aside from that, it is fairly ordinary. There is a small table on the side, with crayons all over it. There are dolls and toys packed into a box in the corner. Next to the window there is a small bookcase and a child's bicycle. I walk over to the window and look back over the room. "She must stay here a lot."

"Oh, at least once every two weeks, sometimes more."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I love having her around, and it gives her parents a break."

The wall above the bed is covered with pictures, clearly drawn by Hotaru. I stop to look at them. Most of the pictures are of cats. Two cats, one ginger and one tabby. In one of the photos the cats are snuggling, in another they appear to be fighting. I smile. The largest picture is presumably of her family. She is in the middle, a small figure in black. Next to her on one side is a squiggly woman with long green hair. On the other side, a just as squiggly man drawn in red except for his spiky black hair. And then, next to him, a tall pink person with yellow hair. I read the writing next to it, and unexpectedly, it says 'Haruka' in the same squiggly writing. I smile. Then I look at the picture again. Above the green haired woman it says "Mama". Above the black haired man –or who I thought was a man –it says "Mummy." I frown.

I look up at Haruka and she is watching me carefully. Her head is cocked to the right, and her fringe is falling over her face. Today she is wearing dark blue jeans and a loose white t-shirt. It is simple, but I was right earlier –she is handsome. She is looking at me with eyes that dare me to judge her and her life. Defiant, and with a spark of anger in them. But I can also see a touch of hurt in there. I don't know, maybe somebody else might not be able to see it. But I can.

I feel weary suddenly, and my head feels light. I place a hand on my forehead. "She seems like a lovely child, Haruka. I just feel…I just feel a bit light-headed, maybe you could take me home?"

My knees feel so weak, and I am lucky that I am right next to the bed because I suddenly can't stand. "Michiru!" Haruka says, and she is by my side, helping me lay down on the bed. "Stay here, I'll get you some cold water to drink, and a cold cloth."

"I think I should go."

"No." She says firmly. "I'll take you home when you feel better. Or to the hospital-"

"I don't need a hospital."

"Ok. Well let me get you some water."

She does. And then she gets a cold compress and presses against me head. I feel so dizzy and so disorientated. She says soothing words to me but I can't really remember what she says. She sits next to me and watches me. Eventually, I am so exhausted I fall asleep.

**R & R!**


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